live like there's no tomorrow
by minank
Summary: whenever dean beating himself for something , and they take a hunt, a fully disaster came after it .set after 2.08 PLEASE REVIEW. WIP.
1. disaster

author note : English is my second Language , and this is my first fan fiction, so forgive me for the mistakes.

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_he could still felt the anger and guilt for the bloody figure that laid shocked on the wall. he still had his gun in his hand .he sat in front of her and say the only words he could say right now ._

_" i'm sorry clare , i can't let you kill more peoples. " _

_clare grinned and said with the choked bloody coughs_ ."you_ no..different than me..dean winchester...you killed..for your family..more __than me..you know..what_

_ you are...you just afraid..to admit that."and that was the last words she said before her blue eyes stared lifless._

_dean bit his lips and closed his eyes and tried to blocked what he had to be done, but when he opened it again , her eyes was __opened and fully black with the _

_horrible grin on her lips,she screamed." YOU ARE LIKE ME , YOU ARE a MONSTER."_

**snsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnnsnsnnsnnsnnssnssssnsn**

"Nooooooooooo."dean shot awake with the scream on his lips .he could still feels clare staring at him with that horrible eyes.

sam on the other hand , just got out from the bathroom, terrified.

_great , now i have a mother hen sammy on my hand_ , dean thought tiredly.

sam sat on the bed next to his brother and tried to saw the face that dean hiding with his hands.

" another nightmare , huh ?!let me guess , about her ?!dean , you have to let the past go."

dean , really wasn't in the mode of sharing and caring , he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"sam ...please, i'm not really in the mode of talking , i know you wanna help me and i'm grateful for that , really bro ...but not now , please."

the fact that dean pleaded was the another fact that he really screwed and sam really wanted to just talked to him , helped him , just do something ,

he felt so helpless , that his brother suffering from something that wasn't even his fault.

_HER fault , her damn fault , i hope she rooted in the hell for doing this with my brother , _so sam did what he can do right now , he just placed his hand on

his brother's shoulder , and said paitionlly.

" OK , OK, if you don't wanna talk , i'm not pushing , just you know ,whenever you're ready , you know i'm here...and dean..i know i told you this, like

the hundred times ,...what happened that night...it's just...it's NOT your fault ."

dean now looking at sam with that tired shining green eyes , he smiled." ok ." and with the serious look on his face , he continued." man, you are a

really...Girl" and he laughed.

" shut up dude."sam sat up from the bed , smiling , now dean joking , he feeling better.

" no , really , i'm here , what am i ? a six year old kid that just lost his pen..yeah , girl " dean said laughing and he sat up from the bed too and went to

the bathroom.

sam just shook his head."yeah dean , whatever you say."

dean that now stood between the door of the bathroom , said ."and do me a favor , and find us another hunt , while i enjoy my hot shower ,geek boy."

" actually , i searched the net and i found something...here."

" here ?!like at a motel ?!" dean said surprised.

sam shook his head." no , i mean , in this town , some weird dead happening in the last six months that i think we should check out later."

dean came from the bathroom , to the table and ignored the questioning face that sam had on his face and sat on one of the chair.

" ok , fill me in."

"you 're not going to take a shower first ?!" sam said slowly.

"no...i mean yeah , not now..first thing first..so what you dig out ?!"

sam hessited for the second , he really not sure they should take this job, they just finished the clare bitch , a week ago , and dean just not acting like

himself , lately. sam was worried , really. whenever dean beating himself for something , and they take a hunt, a fully disaster came after it.

" maybe we should just give ourselves a little break , man."

dean give him a questionable look.

" i mean , we can check it later , when we really up to it."

" you mean , when i really up to it...sam , for the LAST time , i'm FINE , i always had this shit on my mind and i always get over it."dean now shouting.

sam could see the hurt on his brother's face , he really doesn't want to do thing to hurt his brother , but he was really worried and he can't help it.

" dean , that's just it , you said, you're fine all the time , and all the time , it proved that you're wrong" .

" what that supposed to mean ?!" dean had a pretty good idea , what his brother saying , he just can't admit it.

sam signed heavily." look at our life , dean , after dad , you just get yourself busy with the hunt and killing and this deal , that he made , still killing you

from the inside..."

" sam , don't start .."dean now rubbing his eyes with his hand and tried to stay calm .he really not up to this conversion.

" no , let me finish..."

" oh , god..." dean really really wasn't in the mood.

" after you found out that clare made that mind deal , you didn't care that she can kill you with his mind, you just jump and play with the fire to prove

everyone that how much dad was wrong to made that deal and how much this is wrong that you're alive?!"

" it's not?" dean almost whispered that.

" what ?! of course not , i mean , i'm not saying that i don't want to dad live , i just...i don't wanna lose you too. " sam can felt the tears burning to fell

out on his face , but he can't let his guard down , not right now.

dean just look at sam , he knew sam just wanted to help him , to carry his guilt , his anger , but he was really tired of this topic and maybe if sam give

him a little break and let him just do his job ,kill that every son of bitch monsters , he'll feel better.

" sam , i get it , but if you really wanna help me , fill me with this job".

ok , now sam just from a crying boy changed to the angry little kid .sam sat up from the bed and stared shouting." DAMN IT , DEAN..THIS IS NOT

WORKING , YOU WANT THIS JOB , YOU HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER WEEK TO READY FOR IT .MY HUNT , MY RULE."

dean can't take it anymore , he sat up from the chair and said calmly."well , i have a news for you , bro , you can get your damn hunt and shove it on

you ass , i'm outta here ." and with that , he started to get to the door.

but before , his hand even touched , the door's knob , he felt the hot pain came from his chest and then blood all over his T-shirt.

next thing he knew , he just came flat on his ass , and if sam wasn't there to catch him , he could hit his head very badly .

then why his head , hurt like crap ,and blood , blocked his view?!

" sa..m...wht's..happ..ning?"

and then nothing just darkness.

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sorry for the mistake, again.

i hope i have only 1 review to keep me going :D

minank


	2. old lady

sam could feel the anger boiling in his vein , and now dean bailing on him , gave him another reason to felt more and more angrier.

he watched his brother went to the door , but suddenly stood and now he's falling...

_he's fucking falling , do something you stupid bastard, _the voices echos in his mind all over again.

he ran to his brother and catch him , before his head , hit the table .

" DEAN".

sam look at his brother with winded eyes and tried to found out what's happening.

dean's eyes was barely open , his T-shirt was full of blood and blood drooping from his mouth and his head.

_how the hell is possible ?! he doesn't even hit the table , why his head bleeding ?!_

" dean , look at me bro , try to stay awake , ok ?!i'm gonna call 911 and you 'll be good as new , I promise .just hang on."

sam was about to reach his phone , when dean's voice stopped him in his place .

" sa..m...wht's..happ..ning?"

dean's eyes was unfocused and barely saw anything.

sam knew he's running out of time , but he can't just do anything , when his brother looked so scared.

"dean , please , stay with me , you gonna give me the heart attake , if you just keep looking at me like this."

sam just tried to lighted the mood , but he know , dean was beyond than understanding , and when he closed his eyes completely , sam knew that he

should started to do something before he lost his brother forever, so he called 911, and shout everyone on the line to came here and saved his

brother.

after that was the blur .EMT shouting , breathe rescue , CPR , that fucking defibrillator and charging all over again.

and now six hours later , he's siting in that damn chair , waiting to tell him that his brother is dead. cuz , face it , last time sam saw him , he was so

much dead to him.

"you must be sam. "

came a voice from the old lady in front of him.

sam almost jumped from his seat , when he saw the doctor.

" doc...how is he?."

" let me introduce myself first , i'm doctor smith and i tending your brother from the time he brought here ."

" is he alright?!". sam was about to lost his mind , but damn doctor , doesn't seem to even care .

" well , define alright boy! off course he's not. guy came here with the massive head injury and some internal bleeding , not to mention becuz of blood

loss , his body was in shock , i have to do 2 surgery to stop the bleeding and repair the damage . i mean , really , you think , guy could be fine right now

?!"she told him with one breath and then take a shaky breath.

_oh hell ! dean , i'm really glad that you are not here right now , cuz your doctor is the old, bitch,slowly, crazy, lady._

sam knew that talking to her , was pointless , so he went to the right point ." can i see him ?!"

old lady gave him the funny look .

" off course you can't . do you think , it's your home that you can visit your brother whenever you want .he's in ICU ward and the visiting hours is

over , so i suggested you to get back to your home and come back tomorrow morning ."

sam clenched his fists and really tried to keep it that way , but it seems that old lady doesn't want to give up.

" i don't think , you have another question, cuz if you had , you asked that already , so i'm going to leave now."

and with that she left.

although the all stress that sam had right now, he breathed a sigh of relief , when she left .he knew argue with her was useless , so he just shook his

head.

now , he knew his brother was alive , that's enough for him right now.

he had to , came back to the motel and changed his bloody clothes and came back tomorrow morning and hopefully saw his brother in peace and then

figured out what the hell is going on.

he just shook his head again and take his long way back to the motel.

"my doctor is the old , bitch , crazy , lady. just peachy."

dean watched sam , left the hospital and he just shook his head .

he felt so helpless , he just woke up here and found his bloody, coma stone ,damn body in the hospital bed.

" so , what now ?!what the hell , should i do ?!" he can't keep like this. he has to find another way to get the hell out.

" maybe i know the way ?!"

came a voice from the back of his head .he doesn't need to turn around , to know who talking , all the memories from the last time , he was in hospital ,

just came floating on his mind.

so he just turn around and with the shaky breath , said the only word he could.

" Tessa.?!"

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can i have 1 follower please ?!:D


	3. light

sam was so tired. what's happened so lately got the toll on his body and he just can't take it anymore. he just wanted to lay

someplace and slept for the rest of his life.i mean , this was twice in the year that he thought he lost dean forever . he still might.

dean was in bad shape and he can't just shake the feeling that thing is going from bad to worse . he just put the key on the lock's door and

with the sigh opened the door .

the room was dark and silent so he turned on the light and slowly entered the room . when he looked up into the

room,something caught his eyes . somebody was in the room and watching outside from the windows.

sam can't saw the man's face from this view, he raised his gun and pointed on the back of man's head.

"WHO ARE YOU?." he almost screamed.

man very slowly turn around and what sam saw almost killed him from inside .

"no , no ...no " sam just repeated that over and over again until one word get him out of his trance.

" sammy,how you doing son?"

sam shook his head over and over again." no , no , you're not my dad .WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"

the man was so much calmer to be his dad.

" it's me son.i don't know how but i'm here."

sam wasn't ready to give up yet .some old man came to your room and he told you he's your DEAD dad. you don't take that very well ,

specially when you knew what's out there in the dark.

"what are you ?." he said that with the calmer voice . he can't lost his control right now . he was a winchester man and he was

professional enough to knew he can't let emotion screwed his job.

man moved a little." where is dean ?!don't tell me that he done a stupid thing to bring me back?." he said that with a bit of anger.

sam smirked a little ." don't even think that some speech of drama family could make me fool enough to believe you."

man nodded slowly with a bit of pride ." you're right. i almost forgot that i trained you very well . so shall we do the test?."

sam wants very badly that this man to be his dad,so he gave him the chance to proved himself and the result surprised him very well.

he was john winchester . his old man . his dad . and now he can felt the tears fell from his eyes.

" dad !?oh my god , dad !i...i don't know what to say?." _miss you.. love you...feel guilty as hell..don't leave us !us! dean_

sam felt like a three years old kid that wanted just hug from his daddy and john understand that very well so he smiled and told his son.

" you gonna give you old man hug or what." john had the soft smile on his lips that any kid wanted to jump in his chest and sam did that too.

after what felt like a hours he let go of john's embrace.

" so i guess you don't know who brought me back and if he wasn't your brother , so where is he ?."

sam sighed and sat on the bed.

" what is it sam?!you boys had a fight or something ?!."

" i wish it was the whole of it ."

" what's that supposed to mean ?." john was about to kill something to get the true from sam.

" we were at the motel .we argued about something then things get out of control and he wants to left the room but suddenly he just passed out

and there was so much blood on it so I called 911 and the last thing i knew he still alive."

john listened to all of sam's words very carefully." so he just started bleeding without a reason ?!."

" doctor can't explain it. i mean that damn doctor not even let me to saw him."

john shook his head."what did you hunting ?!."

" we didn't."

john gave him a questionable look.

" we just get here to rest . Like some vacation."

" you got to be kidding me .people are dying in the world and you boys take a vacation?!i thought i teach you better ."

" we are humans dad , not robots . don't you think we might need some normal human need like i don't know, RESTING A BIT"?

sam doesn't want to do this . he just take his father back less than hours and he started fighting again.

john said nothing .he just looked at his son . it's obvious that kid throw a lot . so he just shut up about it.

no one talked anymore until john broke the silent.

"whatever happen to dean it had to do something with me , talking and walking here ."

sam nodded." i thought about it too but what is it ?!"

john just shook his head." i don't know but first i wanna see dean."

sam chucked a little." i wanna see dean too, believe me but his damn doctor said visiting hours was over."

" visiting hours my ASS . we 're leaving NOW."and he started to get to the door.

" but...dad, his doctor is very stubborn."

john chucked softly." not as your old man . let's go . "

sam smiled softly._yes sir_.he really missed his dad.

**snsnsnsnsnsnsnsnnsnsnsnsnsnnsnsnnsnsnsnnsnsnsnnsnsnnsnsnnsnsnsnns**

dean swallowed hard._crap crap crap crap crap_

" i hope i could say good to see you tessa."

"me too dean.i mean i was kinda surprised when i saw your name in my list.i didn't think we meet again so soon."

dean chuckled softly. "yeah,you don't know the winchester luck."

" i hope you learned your lesson dean and this time you come with me."

dean bit his lips." believe me i do anything to reverse what's happened that day."

tessa just looked at him but said nothing.

"but...I can't come with you now .not until I found out what the hell is going on."

she shook his head." you making the same mistakes all over again."

" i'm not saying that i don't come with you.i'm saying just give me more time to figured this out."

" it's NOT up to you to figured anything out . it's over . why can't you understand that.?"

dean knew she just not gonna give up . he just looked at her with pleading eyes. _just give me a more time , damn it._

" i knew you 're not going to come with me so I come prepared."

dean looked at her confused.

"i'm sorry dean . death gave me a power to end this."

now dean was scared._i'm gonna die for real this time._

she closed her eyes and then lights covered dean's body . more lights and more and more until dean can't saw anything expect darkness.

_i'm sorry sammy _

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thanks for the all gave me the sweet reviews or fallow me.

i know i wrote this 3 chapter in one breath but i don't think i can update soon .

see u next week.

minank


	4. moment

the ride to the hospital was so quiet . father and son thought about what condition dean was right now and what their next move should be !

when they arrived to the hospital they made their way to the woman at the desk.

" can i help you ?!."

john spoke up first .now he was back he was going back to being leader and all !.

"yeah . i am looking for my son. dean winchester ?!"

the woman looked superised . " oh !actually the doctor was looking for you!"

sam raised his eyebrows." doctor smith ?! why ?!something happened?!" now sam was beyond than worried . if he could , he

came to the other side of the desk and shook the woman and made her to spoke faster. one look at his father told him that john felt the same .

he could felt john screaming out loud in his mind. _something happen you picked up the phone and called me_.

"nothing happened. i just wanna talk to you !."

both father and son turn around quickly and was surprised to saw the voice was belong to the handsome man with the white coat and

smile on his lips.

" sorry. i don't want to scare you.i just keep looking for you and..." when he saw the confused look the father and the brother gave him he

thought it was better to introduce himself first . so he used of his big cute smile." let me introduce myself first and then we can talk about

your family member's condition in my office . i'm DR. smith and i'm attending dean from the time, he brought here."

john and sam exchanged the confused look.

_sam , i thought you said his doctor was female and was stubborn , not this cutie little guy._

_i know , dad. i have no clue._

sam cleared his throat." i think there should be some mistake here. i talked to doctor smith and i'm certainly sure that she was not you."

the look on the man's face means he had no clue either.

" believe me, i'm the only Dr smith here . i mean who gonna use my family...oh crap .!"

john was about to losing his patience now and maybe gave the cutie guy a big scar on his face .

" ok doctor .what the hell is going on ? where is my son?!"

" i'm sorry . now i get it what happened . just come to my office and i tell you every thing .please ?!"

john and sam looked at each other and nodded and followed the man to his office .when they all sat on their seat , dr smith talked again.

" first of all , i'm really sorry becuz what's happening . the woman you saw sam , she was a doctor , my partner actually . but not anymore . some

tragic thing happen for her in the past and ended her in the mental ward . we lost her today in the hospital and i think that was the exact time when

she showed up to you .but you are not gonna worry about her right now . that won't happen again."

when dr smith looked at them and made sure they understood the situation, he talked again.

" now let me talk about dean , he came here with some series internal bleeding and blood loss . we repaired the damage but the head trauma , we

can't do anything about it.." dr smith shook his head.

" with the condition that he is in it , we don't think that we saw him awake again . i'm really sorry . "

sam swallowed hard . it was like dejavo all over again . he knew where this speech was going and he was terrified.

john of the other hand, felt the same way and some strong feeling told him that this is just HIS fault.

" so you saying , my son is dying ?!"

dr smith sighed." i know it's not easy to accept that , not for any family and i don't know how to tell you that to make that easier for you

but that's the true . he is not dying right now , he is brain dead."

" WHAT?." both man said together. _WHAT THE HELL !NONONONONONO!_

" unfortionly there is no brain activity on his head . the hit on his head was strong enough to killed the brain . we got him on the life support and we let

you to decide what you want us to do."

sam felt the tears was burning to run on his face . he knew his voice was shaking but he didn't care.

"so, you tell us to decide on he live or die ?"

" i don't like either . that's..."

the beep of the pager stopped the man from talking." shit .this is dean . he's coding"

john and sam stood together. they can felt their heart was gonna came out of their chest any second.

_THIS IS MY FAULT , MY FAULT . MY SON IS DEAD BECAUSE OF ME._

_What The Hell Should I Do Without Dean ?!Without My Brother . oh God .Oh God._

SnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSn

dean slowly opened his eyes . the light was so strong that his vision was blurry.

_Damn tessa.i'm going to kill her . shit, i don't __think i can. i'm DEAD . SAM CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT ME , WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I DO ?!_

he forced himself to sit up and looked around . he was in some garbage basement._what the hell?!_

_" well , that was fun ." _Came the voice of the other side of the room.

his vison was still blury but he can saw someone or something was walking to him.

" tessa , is that you ?!this is not funny , you hear me!"

when she neared enough , he saw the cleared view of what she looked like and that face stopped him in his place with his heart in his hand.

_SHIT..OH SHIT..NONONONONONO !_

she grinned and looked starlight on dean's eyes .

"we are going to have a lot of fun together."

dean swallowed hard .

" clare."

clare smiled .

" welcome to my hell."

SnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSnSn

" charge again...clear"

doctor smith pressed the paddles to dean's chest and gave him a jolt of electricity . dean's body jerked on the bed.

" still nothing ." one of nurse declare that . it's like the flat lines mocking everyone.

"let's try a dose of epinephrine and atropine."

the nurse that pumping air to dean's lung spoke this time ." Dr , we tried allready twice .he's not going to response . it's been 20 mintutes."

dr smith looked at the two man stood between the doors .he could saw tears fell from man's eyes .he hated that moment , the moment that he had to

admit that he is just the ordinary guy . not a GOD.

sam saw the disspointed on the man's face and got the message." no please , one more time ."

john stepped into the room and with the tears on his eyes said. "DO it. i'm begging you ."

doctor smith noded ." ok people , let's moving. you inject him the drugs and lisa , charge the paddles".

" charging."

" clear!. "

dean's body jerked again.

" still no pulse."

"no no no no no no no no ...one more time..one more time , damn it.." this time was sam that stepped into the room .

john just shook his head in his denying state.

dr smith didn't have a heart to look at the man's face . he just dropped his hands and looked at the clock.

the big moments were gone.

the peoples on the room were gone.

it was just him and his dead patient and the flat lines and the tick ticking clock screamed one word over and over again.

" Time of Dead , 3:30 am"

and that was gone too.

TBC

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uhahahahahahahahaha , what ? i like dead fiction , you really think i didn't use it on this one?!evil grins :D

try don't kill me and plzzzz review.

i really love to have someone favorite this fiction too !can i be hopeful?! :D

ok i shut up now.

minank


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